Emotional Outlet
Wednesdays I have abs and pilates in the morning. This week I also jumped on the treadmill to get the 1-mile PR I discussed in the previous post. So I had a nice 90 minute workout in the morning. I was content to go home after work, until I got drawn into a conversation that ended poorly and threw me into a bad mood. Like I felt sort of sick to my stomach and needed some time to really sort through what I thought about things and what was -really- bothering me. So as soon as I got home, I knew that I had to go for a run. It seemed like all of my answers were in a run, or at least I could diffuse the stress and emotions. So I ran the old 5K route. It was wonderful. I came out of it feeling refreshed, with a clearer understanding and on some level a bit like I exorcised the bad energy itself. I sweated it out.
And its interesting that I can turn to physical activity like this to help me solve my problems now. I got started on neurotic exercising when my boyfriend broke up with me as almost a retreat from the pain I was feeling. I used to say that working out meant that I was in so much pain physically that I didn't have room to be in pain emotionally. It overtook me for a while. But as time has progressed, I've reached the point where working out doesn't exactly overshadow emotional turmoil anymore, but provides clarity so that I can sort through my problems. Like I've reached the point where I can *think* about things when I run or workout, not just focus on the physical activity. It's not always a means of escape anymore, but a place I can go to figure things out while I do it. I'm not longer literally running away from my problems. I'm running with them.
That was a lot of rambling, I know. But it was something of an epiphany that I had the other day, in the way I utilize exercise now and have it so deeply integrated into my lifestyle and how it's become an elemental part of my problem solving tools.
Otherwise
I wrecked myself yesterday. I mean, seriously. My pilates teacher taught bootcamp in the morning, because the regular instructor was on vacation. And while it wasn't the same, whatsoever, it was slower in some cases, I was really challenged in body parts that I forgot I had.
Afterwards, I jumped on the pull-up bars and executed my negatives and assisted pull-ups. I've been doing 6 negatives in each hand grip, but I think that I'm ready to take it up a couple more reps each. I tackled chest and shoulder presses as well. But left it at that.
In the evening, I went to muscle conditioning. I used 7- and 10-lb hand weights. It's a high-rep class and she took it to a new level. For some reason I just felt incredibly strong with good form, so I pushed myself to the limits on the upper body work. I can barely move my arms today as a result! But...I did so well yesterday. I mean, really, I could feel the muscles working like a well-oiled machine. I kept my core tight the entire time which really stabilized the movements. And as cheesy as this sounds, I looked ripped in the mirror while I was doing it. I think I might be a female Narcissus. I love to watch the muscles in my shoulders and arms while I work out. It's mesmerizing.
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